im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
