Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
