I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My liver just had a heart attack.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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