I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
