so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
