youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
