So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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