he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
