Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
