My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
