'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
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I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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