Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
