I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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