Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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