Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
