So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize