i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
