i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
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I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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