My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize