You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
