you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
