Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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