he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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