I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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