:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
