So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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