tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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