The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
