We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
