Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
