that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Boobs are out for the taking
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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