Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
