"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
