When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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