She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
