so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
