It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
it's like iHOP with fire
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
