I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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