I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
