What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
