I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
