don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
