I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
