U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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