So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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