Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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