Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
