so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
