hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my shit smells like andre
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
