She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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