The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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