She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
