dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize