i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
