Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
