I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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