i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
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I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
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I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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