When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
