I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
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