lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
