oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
