Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
