uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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