I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
time to smoke my breakfast
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
