I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
