omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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