Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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